It doesn’t exist..
These thoughts that you have, these feelings that you feel
You know nothing still
I’m far behind..
I see it all now.
I would rather close my eyes
And what good is that..
To ignore truth
No, just carry on and learn from it
Steady move and come away from it
Run, run from it..
Soon.
This hospital with their shiny, linoleum floor
The nurse who has assisted us, her scraggly hair and long face
Her bleeding tattoos that have aged and stretched into a black blob that was once a name, a rose
her dreary attitude and lack of concern
the costume jewelry she wears on her hands
She offered no reassurance, nor advice or help
she appeared absent in those aging green eyes
I grew enraged and had to steady myself from an outburst
We wait with the rest
They are all waiting and staring at their hands, the walls and this idiotic talk show, fuck this.
There is an old man, his nose is bleeding, he is still and looks serene, hands folded in his lap, I can’t stop staring at him
The nurses in the back are laughing
It’s very windy outside and I feel it as people are in and out, the doors open and close
People crying, silent, solemn and in wheelchairs
The walls are so white, the lines so straight
She had so many seizures..
I can’t stand to see her that way
Disoriented, forgetful
She called me another name, I cried
No one is here but me, I feel..
It doesn’t matter.
They make you wait so fucking long
they keep saying they don’t know what time they will be with us, they don’t know, does anyone like to hear that
you don’t know, don’t know
don’t fucking know..
Knew it all along.
Oh, yes, I knew..
But kept it in the back of my mind, well it’s punctured through and now sits in the very front, refuses to leave.
I’m such a fool..
I just thought, well maybe.. I just thought it to be possible.
It isn’t.
Never has been and never will be.
I need to leave it all behind
I’m stagnated here
Nobody gives a shit
Your so behind, so far behind
Don’t let it show..
Keep moving
You need a plan
Move
Make a plan
Run with it
I’m heavy
And so very disappointed..
This isn’t right
I have the wrong frame of mind
…
Looked at this from a different view that was not my own
What is it that you really want
Wouldn’t you then show it
I would know, wouldn’t I?
But I know nothing.
Want to be older
Gain some wisdom
Run through this stage
Unknowing..
What are my motives
what are behind these thoughts of mine
and how I feel the need to gain..
affection.
You’ll drown this way
you can only save yourself
was never much of a swimmer
The effort looked dazzling
You will continue to walk
keep away from the tide
Once your out there
You may not come back
tread lightly.
I’ve seen this coming from far off
I feel as though I’ve ran towards it
Or maybe fell into it
On my face.
tread lightly.
you may not notice anything at all.
we are so tunnel visioned
you don’t see me at all..
I’ve slept far too long.
I’m awake, I am.
Let me dress.
In a ball it forms
Will one day explode
But not today
Today I shut my trap
Always..
You know.. We sometimes think back, so far back that we forget about the present.
I want to be..
Better.
I need. I want.
To be.
So much more.
Can I grasp the concept..
I work so hard for myself, of course, of course.
And to think about the way I feel
Causes me a million steps back.
Am I so lowly that I can no longer see what I may be
There isn’t any time for pity
Hold up your head with what strength you have left and get at it
Take
Take
Take
Conquer
I am a warrior
I will shout and with a vengeance take what is mine
In this lifetime nothing is handed to you my dear
What is love without first having given your all
Or hate without having given or received it
Always something in return for something
Unless..
We kill them with our kindness
Yes, this seems unlikely
For people these days have no core..
We march baby, come on, we march
Everyone must know, I’ll tell them all they have a fight coming
I ramble..
I know.
ROAR.
There isn’t any time for memories when your always on the go
