Like Grapefruit

My smile is so wide that it hurts my face
They look on
As though I do not exist
Only to acknowledge me once they’ve had their drinks
They look on
I peek in the mirrors to make sure my face is still attached
The time spent putting on make up
Do they notice
All day they shuffle in and out
All day long
I hardly remember the faces
The stories and the apologies

You are so lovely to me my dear
The things you say, the things that you do..

Find me
I seem to have forgotten who I am
Wake me
I clutch to my words, these thoughts..
This face of mine.. It is just a face
Watching you

Sing with me your sorrows
Bury them behind the trees in the back
What troubles you so

Think back to when you had a vision of how you wanted your life to be like
And what got in the way or did you make it

Stay behind the yellow line
Do not shout or lose your head
Keep calm
As you watch the world fall apart
What can you do but complain
My stomach is sick
The things that they say
The posts online
The loss of life
The ignorance and the lack of concern
But what can you do for people you have never met
Across the world the people that are dying
As we watch in comfort
The chaos and greed
Dirty men and ravaged women
The struggle for some to go to school while there are kids who reject the freedom to learn
And who are you
What type of person are you
A thinker, nonbeliever, emotionally distraught, a prick, a saint, a bully, peacemaker
Can we make our lives mean something and who will remember them
The boy who carried his dead brother from a bombing
The pain that racked his small frame
The abandoned buildings
The rubble and all the red
Who are we
Can I live the very best that I can
And what can I do for people that I have never met
In another life
In this time
Who am I

I had a dream that I married very rich and lived in an authentic like castle filled with beautiful things with my grandma, then the castle started to crumble and I told her we had to leave but she didn’t want to leave all of the beautiful things inside..

I’ve been a burden to myself
Let my mind wander
Lived through the lives of characters on the tv
Dressed up a stranger each day, let them speak for me
Let them have control while I let my mind wander

I feel the coolness of the earth beneath my feet
Look up to catch a glimpse of the stars
The darkness
I am me
My imperfections, my ugliness and mistakes
They are me
With time I get better
Each day a lesson
I grow
I am me
And I love who I’m becoming

I crawl about
I’ve cried so loud

It’s dark
You’re gone.

They want to know me
But only the surface
My body and my face
I see them visualize
They scream it with their eyes
They want to know me
See me in a different setting
They try to touch me
Attach to the words that I say
I’m like a stone
I’m like the others
Vacant eyes
And little patience
Recognize
Open your eyes
You are wasting your time

You don’t belong
In this abyss you’ve created
Stand down, rest now
Don’t you remember anything at all
They’ve used you
And now you’re alone

You searched my face.
There isn’t much to gather my sweet
There isn’t much left..

The words that we say
They hold no weight
I am not being held up
Falling.