Like Grapefruit

With a mind of past reasonings I will regurgitate all that isn’t good in me
And with time the faces will have blurred and dimmed
You’ll think of me
When all is still I will shred it up
Everything that isn’t me, I will burn it out, and throw the ashes in the wind..

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What you allow to happen may very well always happen
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Often times people can see our value and if we can’t see it ourselves they will treat you as though you aren’t worth anything at all
And you’ll feel as though you aren’t worth anything and thus continues a vicious cycle of being used and abused by people all because you fail to see that you are in fact worth so much more and should not waste your energy nor time on people who want to treat you as though you are cheap.
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Ah, but if only we could realize much sooner the mentality of some people, we’d be in a better state of mind.
You see, some people have terrible intentions.
Look for these signs in the way they hold a conversation.
A liar often stumbles in speech and fails to uphold a promise.
And that is when you run.
You will stumble if you look back.
Do not look back, you’ll be devoured.
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Some go searching for love and will become desperate and often times begin to lose themselves in the process, picking up new faces and becoming someone that we are not.

How about we go searching for ourselves instead.

Sometimes in our loneliness we learn we are more than enough to be in love with and only need ourselves.
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What now
As my face seems to have split in half
And the multitudes they stare and shout..

The Flowers
By: Regina Spektor
Lyrics
The flowers you gave me are rotting and still I refuse to throw them away.
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so i’m waiting and staying awake.
Things I have loved i’m allowed to keep
I’ll never know if I go to sleep.
The papers around me are piling and twisting regina the paper back mummy
what then.
I’m taking the knife to the books that I own and chopping and chopping and boiling soup from stone.
Things I have loved i’m allowed to keep.
I’ll never know if I go to sleep.
Things I have loved i’m allowed to keep.
I’ll never know if I go to sleep.

Do I hide behind past faults
Or can I walk again…

When I look into the mirror can I be content with the face starring back at me.

When I smile can I know for sure it’s genuine..

I will tread lightly my dear. I fear my mind has been unraveling..

It is time that I want, it always has been, yet it slips from me so fast, I haven’t any time at all..

I lust for time, I crave it
it hasn’t any delay for me
It keeps going
And I’m always in motion

You see what we call beauty isn’t beauty at all, this face this skin..
Anybody can have a pretty face

But the soul, if well maintained is beautiful, so rare if you can feel its radiance
And the eyes, gateways to our minds..

I will stand. Stand and become whole.
We haven’t any time at all.

my eyes are glazed
words are forced
they linger for a moment and with severity they fade away
harshly, loudly
and i’m moving along with only face to the ground
find it hard to kill it off
and i’m stained
i’ve toiled with this, picked at it
was free from it
yet stumbled back as though it were new to me
like IT didn’t know me..
stumbled back like this were new to me

I feel Illuminated. I had let such negativity cloud my mind for so long. Now I see so clearly and am able to walk much easier.
I need nothing but my thoughts and no one with their games.

In my dream last night they were stalking, menacing and even closer to me than ever before
I could feel my body reacting to this though I was asleep yet had no one to wake me up
I’ve seen them on my walls years ago, watching and waiting.. Tall shadowy men.
Again with the dreams, they come again..