What is beauty without depth, passion, nor insight.
It isn’t beauty at all is it, but an illusion.
I’ve made myself laugh.
I will fight to keep this smile.
Close your eyes and think awhile.
There is much you do not know
And many that will come and go.
What then.
You simply carry on.
You laugh, you dance and live as though it were your very last hour
Clenching my teeth
and wrenching my fingers
Oh my, oh my..
What have I done.
Who am I, who am I
When did my soul gather so much.
Why in the dark do I fear and have longing
I am looking towards the immense sky above
Is there no one, really no one..
Climb.
I’ve dug myself a hole again
I’ve paced around it and have slept in it
Covered myself in this earth, this mud, stone and sand
I’ve thought of you.
The day you handed me the shovel
I watched as you dug my first hole
You carried me to it, forgot I was there
And I waited.
The earth cried out to me
Do not linger here, you’ll surely die
I kissed her intently and began my journey back to the surface.
I feel it tonight
Prick at my skin
And sting at my eyes
I feel it..
I want to let it go and be whole
I am alone..
What am I doing here.
I’ve been on my face far too long
The light hurts my eyes
When did I give up.
I haven’t noticed and now time is far spent
And this feeling that has settled deep within my soul
When did it get here.
This thinking, this realization
I don’t belong here at all, do I.
I’m fully awake and see it all clearly now
I see it all clearly now..
I cannot sleep
I lay in bed listening to the wind howling against this old apartment building
It’s screeching tonight, relentlessly it screams regrets
I hear it, hear it as I toss the blankets aside, I’m becoming too hot and strip down to my underwear
I left my car unlocked, there’s nothing in it
My little dog sleeps at the foot of my bed and raises his head to listen to the sirens that go by
He often walks up to my face and with those eyes he’ll ask to be pet
And while I rub his tiny belly he’ll lick my hand and then leave me be
I look up at the ceiling and notice I have no smoke detectors
The thought of a fire quickly comes to mind
The walls are so thin as I hear the downstairs neighbors making love
I start to eat cookies, vanilla cremes to be exact, my little dog whines I give him one, then two and a half
and I look out the window, making a part in the blinds
The street lamps making light of the cars parked alongside the road and the Christmas lights that illuminate the night
I crave peppermints and candy canes or a nice warm bath surrounded by candles
Someone is walking briskly in this cold
And I wonder where they are going, who they are, and why so late
I run my fingers through my hair, I have the urge to cut it all off
I think to myself to let it grow, ok I suppose
I lay back in bed and listen to the dishwasher
I turn one way and then another
My little dog is upset and he jumps off the bed
I stretch and walk into the kitchen feeling the cool linoleum under my feet as I reach into the fridge to have a bit to drink
I cannot sleep.
No, not tonight.
Say nothing of this, only laugh about it.
I am silly, sure.
When you just can’t stand the disappointment any longer..
They stare, they shout.
Your head is becoming too heavy
Your ugly, they hate you
Your only release is to close your eyes and forget.
But your a warrior.
So you fight.
Achieve what your mind has thought
Surpass all the lost and gone
Arise, you are here today
Conquer all
You warrior
Arise.
I’ve been thinking I’m a warrior lately, roar.
Conquer, build up, head held high, push through.
Push.
Ting ting ting ting
I’ve done my little dance for you
On the heels of my feet
Arms outstretched real wide
I smile
Swaying here and over there
Roll my hips then back again
Ting ting ting ting
You’ve joined me in this dance of mine
On the heels of our feet
Arms outstretched real wide
I laugh
Swaying here and over there
Ting ting ting ting..
